How To Talk To Young Children About Divorce

Going through a divorce is an incredibly difficult and complicated process for all involved. But for parents with young children, the divorce and separation process is particularly challenging.

Aside from figuring out the logistics, such as how to navigate co-parenting, you also have the daunting task of talking to your children about the divorce.

Unsurprisingly, your child’s age is a factor to consider when approaching the topic of divorce. A teenager is going to have an entirely different reaction, and different questions, than a 6-year-old.

Regardless of how old your child is, the conversation is never going to be easy. The best thing we can do as parents is to head into the conversation well-prepared. So, in this blog, we share our tips on how to talk to young children about divorce.

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Discuss It Beforehand & Do It Together

If possible, having the conversation with both parents present is usually the best way. For young children especially, this reaffirms the idea that they will always have two parents who love them, and will always belong to a “family”, even if the family dynamic changes.

Aim to have an open honest conversation with your spouse about how to address the topic with your kids. You should also have already discussed and agreed on a co-parenting plan, even if it is temporary, before discussing divorce with your children. Being on the same page and remaining calm throughout the conversation will make it easier for children.

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Consider The Place & Right Time

In terms of where to have the conversation, choosing a familiar and comfortable setting is best. This may be the family home or somewhere your children can relax without distraction.

Deciding when to have the conversation is tricky. Understandably, many parents want to put the conversation off for as long as possible. But young children are receptive and absorb far more than we give them credit for. The last thing you want is for your little one to find out about the separation by overhearing an adult’s conversation.

Some parents choose to seek advice from a Divorce Solicitor prior to telling their children. This enables them to approach the conversation with a better understanding of how the process will go. It also means they are better informed when it comes to answering children’s questions.

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Use Language They Will Understand

Consider your child’s developmental stage and aim to only use language they will understand. For example, “Mummy and daddy are not going to live together anymore but we will both still care for you” is going to make far more sense to a five-year-old than “We are getting a divorce.”

Aside from using age-appropriate language, aim to keep the conversation brief and simple, sticking only to the facts. A long-winded explanation may overwhelm your young child and leave them feeling more confused.

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Explain The Changes From Their Point Of View

Despite not quite understanding the intricacies of divorce and separation, young children will understand that big changes are going to happen. With that in mind, aim to describe how their day-to-day will change from their point of view, such as where they will stay, who will pick them up from school and how often they will see each parent.

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Allow Them To Express Their Feelings & Ask Any Questions

Provide an opportunity for your children to ask any questions they may have. And be sure to actively listen to and respect their feelings, which may range from sadness and anger to complete indifference.

Ensure your children know they can talk to either parent about their feelings, or come to you with questions at any time. It is always worth checking back in with your children after giving them time to digest the news.

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Provide Reassurance

The most important part of talking to young children about divorce is providing constant reassurance. Divorce is sad, there’s no denying that. But it does not have to be painted or received as a particularly bad thing. Yes, mummy and daddy will live separately. But the decision is what is best for the whole family. Regardless of how the conversation goes, your children should feel reassured that they have two parents who love them very much.